Dubya Does Santiago
This weekend, Fearless Leader was in Chile for a meeting of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation forum. He was greeted Friday by enthusiastic Chileans shouting “Fuera Bush!,” expressing a sincere desire for the President to go. The Chileans were so sincere and enthusiastic they had to be subdued with water cannon, and a couple dozen of them were arrested.
On Saturday the President rescued one of his own security guards from Chile’s elite presidential guards, known as the carabinero. According to the BBC, Bush bodyguards were refused entrance to an official APEC meeting. “Reaching into the scrum, Mr Bush yanked out his man, then straightened his cuffs and walked off looking unamused,” the BBC said. The BBC did not say if the other APEC leaders also got to bring their bodyguards to the meeting.
The carabinero got the last laugh. President Ricardo Lagos had planned to host a gala state dinner on Sunday for President and Mrs. Bush and about 200 other dignitaries. But the U.S. Secret Service insisted that all guests had to pass through a metal detector before being allowed into the exaulted presence of El Shrubbo. Rather than insult his guests, President Lagos called off the dinner. (Newsday reports that President Lagos did have the APEC heads of state and their spouses over for dinner Sunday night, but instead of a state dinner they got pizza and beer in the presidential palace rumpus room. Or something like that.)
Enough of the juicy bits. On to the boring details:
Bush attempted to patch up sour relations with Latin America, especially Mexican President Vincente Fox, by renewing support for a guest worker program he proposed last winter that doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting through Congress.
The Associated Press reports that Bush spent most of his time this weekend telling other APEC leaders to get tough with North Korea.
Bush spent much of the time on the sidelines of the summit trying to win international support to push North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Il, to halt the communist country’s nuclear weapons program. Six-nation talks on the issue have been unsuccessful so far, and the United States is pushing for another round early next year.
At the same time, lame duck Secretary of State Colin Powell slithered about the conference warning of evil doings in Iran. “Mr Bush and Mr Powell are relying on limited US intelligence on weapons of mass destruction to suggest that Iran is trying to modify its missile fleet to render it nuclear-capable,” writes The Age of Australia. The Age does not report if Powell could say this with a straight face.
The Sydney Herald Sun says that APEC leaders “expressed concern” about the weakness of the U.S. dollar. Bush pledged to back a “strong” dollar policy and to cut the U.S. budget deficit in half in the next five years. Details of the dollar policy were not forthcoming, but rumors say it includes tossing Treasury Secretary John Snow into Mount St. Helens. Other rumors suggest the five-year plan to reduce the deficit consists of Bush’s continuing to spend money like a drunken sailor for four years, then dumping the problem on whatever poor fool is President in 2009.
The meeting ended with the traditional practice of making the APEC leaders look ridiculous by dressing them in native costumes. Bush’s appearance in a poncho reveals that, although he’s a poor excuse for a president, he might make a decent lawn ornament.
November 22nd, 2004 at 8:50 am
Pleash don’ inshult me tha’ way. I never shpent anywhere near that. He talksh like a drunken me, but he shpends like George Shorosh on acid. (hic!)
November 22nd, 2004 at 9:22 am
The Man With No Name parlayed looking ridiculous in a pancho into a my-t-fine political career… so who knows ?
November 22nd, 2004 at 9:28 am
Clint Eastwood never resembled a lawn ornament.
November 22nd, 2004 at 11:38 am
at leasht in a ponscho, folksh don’t notice that I ain’t got no pantsh on.
November 22nd, 2004 at 11:44 am
I ah,…, agree. Alsho, I do wear brief underneath it. Ah, under the ah,…, ponscho. Even when I’m in my De-Briefing mode.
November 22nd, 2004 at 1:16 pm
Dear Commander: Please stay briefed!
November 22nd, 2004 at 6:07 pm
barbara! mom! ish that you?
okay but,…,it’sh hard work.
November 22nd, 2004 at 8:08 pm
If you can’t stay briefed, wear a real long poncho!
November 26th, 2004 at 11:36 am
By this shall all men know, that in the name of the peaceful and honest people on planet Earth, it has been announced this November 26th of the year 2004:
Declaration of Public Outlawship on the Bush Administration
§1. Any person who is an extreme danger to democracy, freedom of society, the environment, any other precious values of the human race or to mankind, fauna or flora in general, thereby never showing any remorse about his/her lies, wicked undertakings, election-cheatings, oil-wars, marauding, religious insanity and other evil endeavors, may be declared public outlaw for that.
§2. The Bush administration fully meets the conditions as outlined in §1 and is herewith declared public outlaw.
§3. Everyone teaming up with a public outlaw will cause an immediate declaration of public outlawship for those teaming up.
§4. Separation from the Bush administration through retirement, change of mind, removal from office or through any other cause, voluntarily or by force, does not automatically end the public outlawship, once so declared.Â
§5. A current public outlaw does not have any public rights at all. He/she may be made subject to harsh criticism or mockery and ridicule by anyone without the right of complaint.
§6. Criticism, mockery and ridicule may be exercised by anybody in whatever mode, manner, method, style or approach. Mockers and ridiculers may exaggerate, lie, spin, amplify, inflate, lay on thicker, overstate, overstress or twist facts to any extend deemed necessary to vividly characterize the evil character and dangerous potential of the public outlaw.
§7. Foul or vulgar language on bumper stickers, signs, graffiti or other displaying, when picking on a public outlaw, is allowed without any kind of limitation.
§8. The use of the Internet, including web sites, blogs, comments, feedback, e-mail, polls or any other instruments on the net, in use presently or in future, is explicitly encouraged for criticizing a public outlaw or making him subject to mockery and ridiculing. Â
§9. A current public outlaw may demonstrate through good behavior his willingness to return to the standards of civilization and can ask for resocialization. The public outlaw should also give good reasons for his/her request. Nevertheless, the society is free to decline any request without giving reasons.
§10. §9 does not apply to permanent public outlawship, which shall be endless.
§11. The Bush administration, including it’s present, past or future members, quislings and collaborators, are under permanent public outlawship.
§12. §11 shall be irreversible for our days and shall only end on judgment day when any power on earth will dissolve into nothing in the face of the Almighty and to whom we leave the Bush administration in humble acknowledgement of our own weakness.
—
Anno Domini 2004, 26th of November
The not insane part of the human race
November 28th, 2004 at 7:02 pm
I would like to point out that the individual in front of Bushis not a security guard, nor is it a bomb dog. It is in fact the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Helen Clarke, who is doing quite well at her job and could probably also do quite well on any female wrestling team.
1/10 for style, 8/10 for substance (except for the Maori foreshores thing, Helen, you spineless idiot)