You might be a Bush supporter if…
1. …you think Spongebob Squarepants is a homosexual, but Condoleeza Rice isn’t.
2. …you think “the hood” is what you wear to a Klan rally.
3. …you think the “establishment clause” is the drunk at your local bar who dresses up as Santa every year.
4. …you think Andover is a sexual position.
5. …you thnk Kennebunkotrt is a sexual technique
6. …you think “Yale” is what you do to Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s name during a NASCAR race.
7. …you believe RU486 is a science fiction movie.
8. …you turn on the radio whenever someone says you need to “rush.”
9. …you think “hip hop” is what you do to avoid the homeless person hanging out in front of your building.
10. …you believe that a cut in your family’s income makes it harder for you to pay your bills, but a cut in the federal government’s income makes it easier to pay its bills.
11. …you think “fatwah” is the obese Chinese guy who runs the restaurant around the corner from your house.
12. …you think Muhammad Ali must be a member of Al Qaeda.
13. …you think Jewish holocaust survivors voted for Pat Buchanan.
14. …you think “freedom” means “France.”
15. …you think Arnold Schwarzenegger is a gentleman, and Bill Clinton is a pervert.
16. …you think “Sex” is the latin word for Six.
17. …you boycott Heinz Ketchup because you think the former wife of the Heinz heir somehow controls the company instead of its board of directors and stockholders.
18. …you think an iPod is a little alligator patch you wear on your shirts.
19. …you get incredibly offended when someone says something nice about your lesbian daughter.
20. …you think “due process” is what causes your grass to be wet in the morning.
21. …you think the “first amendment” is what you do to your story when your wife finds out you lied to her.
22. …you think Payola is a tax refund check.
23. …you think there is cuch a thing as the “Democrat” party.
24. …you think Nicolette Sheridan is a slut, but Anne Coulter is a lady
25. …you think freedom means making up someone else’s mind for them.
26. …you think it’s a victory for freedom and democracy if Iraqis vote in Iraq, but “voter fraud” and an attempt to “steal the election” if minority Democrats are permitted to vote in the United States.
Please feel free to add to this list, and distribute it as widely as possible. I may even publish it. (All original material copyrightd by me, Hesiod Theogeny.)
January 29th, 2005 at 10:12 am
27… You think Ted Kennedy lecturing Condi Rice on integrity is a jaw dropper.
January 29th, 2005 at 11:55 am
28. …you attack the right to burn an American flag while defending the right to fly a rebel flag.
January 29th, 2005 at 12:11 pm
>>>You think Ted Kennedy lecturing Condi Rice on integrity is a jaw dropper.<<<
Exactly. Anybody who thinks Condi Rice has more integrity than Ted Kennedy must either be a nincompoop, or a Bush supporter. The two not being mutually exclusive categories.
January 29th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
What exactly is Kennebunkotrt? Did you F7 key fall off?
January 29th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
You think a *faux pas* is a front leg.
(P.s. not all of us down here voted for W. You do realize that, right?)
January 29th, 2005 at 1:55 pm
Anybody who thinks Condi Rice has more integrity than Ted Kennedy must either be a nincompoop, or a Bush supporter.
After Condi’s hired another person to take her spanish exam and weaseled out of manslaughter charges, call me. We’ll talk.
January 29th, 2005 at 11:13 pm
Teasing Ann Richardson about lesbianism is okay but it’s strickly taboo to tease Condi Rice.
Capital Punishment WORKS (except for the Romans)
January 29th, 2005 at 11:13 pm
Capital Punishment works (except for the Romans).
January 30th, 2005 at 5:25 am
“After Condi’s hired another person to take her spanish exam and weaseled out of manslaughter charges, call me. We’ll talk.”
Sorry. But Condi’s shilling for the Iraq war massively trumps anything Ted Kennedy ever did.
It would be a STEUP UP in integrity for her if she drove off a bridge while drunk and killed her passenger.
January 30th, 2005 at 8:00 am
Sorry. But Condi’s shilling for the Iraq war massively trumps anything Ted Kennedy ever did.
Shilling… ? Would you be ignoring all the Dem politicians’ assertions that had Saddam’s WMD, the 1998 Congressional call for regime change in Iraq, and all the anti-Saddam U.N. Resolutions, not to mention reason itself ? But of course you are.
February 5th, 2005 at 1:52 am
Wah! Wah! We lost. We have nothing to contribute to the debate! We repeat the same bullshit our parents force fed us. Wah! Wah!
February 11th, 2005 at 12:50 pm
If you call yourself pro-life as you leave the leading state for death penalties, eat your meat, and march off to war. Which life are you supporting?