Viewers Guide to SOTU
Tonight President Bush will be giving the 2005 State of the Union speech. Herewith is a guide to the maximum SOTU-watching experience.
The first, and perhaps most critical, issue involving SOTU is, should I watch the blasted thing at all? I’m still struggling with that myself. The speech is pre-empting most network programming from 9 pm to 11 pm eastern time, which means no West Wing, CSI New York, or Alias. I might watch a Law & Order rerun on TNT at 9 o’clock and then switch to Animal Planet for a new episode of Animal Cops: San Francisco. If that doesn’t work for you, there’s college basketball on ESPN. Or else swing by the video store to pick up a DVD of “Anchorman.”
But what if the President says something important? As a public service, I am leaking a preview of the transcript:
Iraqi elections, Iraqi elections, Iraqi elections, Social Security crisis, Social Security personal accounts, Iraqi elections, September 11, terrorism, September 11, Iraqi elections, saving Social Security with individual investment accounts. September 11. And, Iraqi elections. God bless America.
It’ll be padded a lot, of course.
Or just surf the blogosphere for the post-speech snark. You won’t miss anything.
If you decide to watch it anyway, remember to eat a light supper if you have a weak stomach.
What if the speech is boring? Make SOTU more interesting by having some friends over to make a game of it For example, every time Bush says the word personal in regard to Social Security accounts, everybody could drop a dollar into a pot, and at the end of the speech, draw straws to see who gets the pot. But if Bush slips up and says private, privatization, or privatized, everybody has to pony up 20 bucks. Players who run out of money must remove articles of clothing instead. If anyone is buck naked by the end of the speech, get a magic marker and write “ownership society” on his butt, then lock him outside. Combine this with a more traditional drinking game, and I promise it will be a night to remember.
However — and this is critical — be very careful about what channel you turn to. There will be pre-speech and post-speech commentary. Depending on the channel, you might see Chris Matthews, or Dan Rather, or Bill O’Reilly, or (cue organ glissando in F minor) Judith Miller. So unless you are very brave, or very drunk, watch it on CSPAN. And don’t forget that you can always bail out and switch to Animal Planet.
Good luck.
February 2nd, 2005 at 12:13 pm
My suggestion for all Bush’s speeches and pretty much all TV commentary–Netflix. The Sopranos, The Wire, 24–and just tons and tons of BBC. I got really hooked on the Richard Sharpe series starring (why wasn’t he in more sexy leading roles?) Sean Bean.
February 2nd, 2005 at 12:34 pm
You can always play the standing ovation game too. That’s always fun!
February 2nd, 2005 at 2:40 pm
Click on the Springer ad in the sidebar. Jesse Taylor of Pandagon is blogging there and he has a few words on the SOTU, as well.
February 2nd, 2005 at 2:47 pm
I bet he says ‘Alberto Gonzalez’ too and gives him noogies while flipping off the non-neutered Dems. And how many times will he say the word ‘democracy’ to highlight the puppet show that could become what he fears: a real democracy.
‘Democratic Iraq’ will compete with ‘Social Security’, for sure. And not a word will be said about the Iraq oil contracts pending for his cronies, because, yanno, it’s never been about oil….. (THUD)