A lot of the French bloggers are spreading vicious rumors about some of America’s greatest patriots. They point to the ongoing bachelor status of such great men as Rep. David Dreier, Ken Mehlman, and Jeff Gannon and suggest that perhaps they might be friends of Dorothy. These Euro-bastards even go so far as to describe these fine Republicans as being self-hating, Roy-Cohn channeling, power-hungry quislings.

They don’t understand that the testosterone-fueled ideololgy we conservatives so proudly promote makes us unattractive to women raised on feminism’s lies. It’s not like we don’t want to have a carnal relationship with a woman; it’s just that we can’t convince any ladies to join us.

The problem is compounded by the fact that we are the party of family values. We can’t pay a prostitute. Someone might see us and that would be wrong. Instead, we must find creative ways to relieve our sexual tensions. That’s why so many of us marry sex dolls. It’s the only way we can have marital relations without violating something which is specifically prohibited in Leviticus.

It’s not as bad as it may sound. Many of us find these relationships very satisfying. Our rubber wives are always submissive, they don’t read Cosmopolitan, and they don’t care if we never shower. That’s the way things should be.

Don’t take my word for it. Read what some of my fellow conservatives write about the wives they purchased from a company called CybOrgasMatrix. They sound perfectly well-adjusted to me.

Subject: Arived.
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 20:43:26 -0500
From: jerry
To: kyleb@cyborgasmatrix.com

Hello Kyle,
She arrived today, as did the second package.

I did try her out (blush)… compares to the movie… “Gone in 60 Seconds”…

Much more research to do…
Jerry

Member: prooli
Member # 89
posted 13 May 2002 04:31 PM

Is she worth it? BUY ONE NOW!!!
This is not an attempt to upstage Jerry. Not that I could if I wanted to, but I feel compelled to give a brief review:

[…]

Missionary is, as one might imagine, the easiest route to take. Gal on top was awfully exciting as well, but she’s quite flimsy it that capacity. Her head basically disappears behind her body unless you hold it up.ht!

[…]

I never, ever considered myself to be a candidate for a sex doll. When I first happened upon the realdoll phenomenon, however, I was absolutely amazed. The pictures I saw were Penthouse quality masturbatory material & I found myself wondering, “what the hell? these are frickin’ DOLLS!” Not that it should come as any big surprise, being a guy & very visually oriented, but I am in absolute awe over what I just experienced. I believe that naysayers & skeptics are far more interested than they let on when it comes to these works of art. Why, exactly, would one direct their disgust & dismay at folks like me, who are simply out to explore the wonders (wonderful wonders in this case) of life & dare I say, technology. Whatever, I guess, I’m going back for round 2!

Member: benevolent_man
Member # 597
posted 14 May 2002 09:50 PM

I got mine today. Whew is she HEAVY! But that’s probably a good thing as something that moves easily isn’t good when you…

Well, I’m pretty impressed! Money well spent indeed.

The torso is definitely a first grade cast. It’s been mentioned before that the vagina is very detailed, also the lips are if you get a head with yours.

Member: Jerry
Member # 2
posted 04 May 2002 12:19 PM

[…]

Adriana calls her Venus and frankly I find that a lot easer to say than…Cyborgasmatrix Heat Melt Elastomer Gel Evaluation Torso… don’t you?

Jerry

Member: prooli
Member # 89
posted 13 May 2002 04:57 PM

The flesh is dense, jiggly, & very stretchy. You don’t really get a true sense of how stretchy it is until you carry her. This doesn’t present reality or functional issues while she’s in the missionary position. I gave her a hot bath before my first bout & she retained heat relatively well.

Member: prooli
Member # 89
posted 13 May 2002 05:07 PM

I should point out that regarding the oral cavity, my doll doesn’t have a tongue or teeth (or eyes for that matter), so my review of her oral capabilities may not be completely fair.

Subject: Re: Follow-up
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 21:48:33 -0500
From: jerry
To: kyleb@cyborgasmatrix.com

I rubbed her down with a lanolin based hand cream… that helped and she became wonderfully erotic… but it wipes off quickly. I’ll do more research and let you know.

Jerry

Another helmet tip (I think) to Roland for alerting me to this.