The Malathion Man
This updated classic musical is now set in Fort Bend County, Texas. It features a visit by a rabble-rousing politician, Ken Delay, a pesticide manufacturer from the neighboring town of Sugar Land. He stirs up voters to elect him to Congress so that he can pass a Homogeneous Marriage Amendment. He does this with a nearly-rap rant about the “otherwise infatuated” that provokes a chorus to sing:
Couples, there’s unwed couples,
Here in Missouri City!
With a capital “U”
That rhymes with “Q”
And that stands for….
The lyrics get more graphic after that. (This musical is R-rated, for politically incorrect language and gratuitous draggings by pickups.) Here’s the big final parade number, after the candidate has been elected and built his own powerful machine:
Seventy-six big PACs gave to Ken Delay,
And all of the church groups filled many a page.
He was sent off on trips and trips,
All on lobby-funded ships,
To prevent higher minimum wage.Plenty of corp’rate chiefs paid to hear him speak,
And fundies invited him to come and talk.
Then came wanna-be gambling tribes
Who’d not give out bribes
But for flights abroad would never balk.There were many pro-life activists for Terri’s sake;
Congressmen, Senators, who would vote his way
Happily volunteering to freely take
Campaign funds given by Ken Delay.There were broadcasters with licenses before the feds,
Scaife and Moon and Murdock pundits on the team,
Ever quick to improvise
Spin to help Ken realize
And fulfill his great one-party dream.
