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May 23, 2005

Who Would Jesus Kick in the Nuts?

Wrestling for Jesus

“The Animal” smacked Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake to the canvas, then separated the stunned man’s legs to prepare him for a swift kick in the groin.

But Animal paused. Holding the man’s ankles in the air, he looked to the 1,000 spectators around the church for guidance.

What would Jesus do?

“No!” they bellowed in unison.

Jesus never faced anything like the human menagerie that filled a makeshift ring in a Burnsville church Saturday night. Organizers said they were using wrestling to do His work — saving souls and busting backs at the same time.

Huh. I would probably pay money to see that. I’m sad I missed it.

3 Responses to “Who Would Jesus Kick in the Nuts?”

  1. Kevin Hayden Says:
    May 23rd, 2005 at 11:23 am

    Jesus would have kicked St. Peter the Self-Loather in his neanderrepublican gonads.

  2. Swami Says:
    May 23rd, 2005 at 2:51 pm

    Jesus would have crushed his grapes and make him whine.

  3. Anntichrist S. Coulter Says:
    May 25th, 2005 at 6:43 pm

    I dunno ’bout Jeebus, but I sure as hell would’ve been wearing steel-toed work boots.