Top Ten Facets of Bush’s New Iraq Plan
I didn’t even have time to hear what Bush said about his Iraq plan today, but let me leave you with the top ten features of the real plan he’s using:
10) Keep coddling al-Sistani and his caviar tastes.
9) No more ‘axis of evil’ talk. Gotta keep the backroom negotiations with Iran going. It’ll be up to the EU and UN to push the anti-nuke agenda from now on. Remind the Treasury Sec to cut a check for a few billion, to keep them ayatollahs happy.
8) Billions more for the Ba’athists. Even after we paid ‘em off to skip the first wave of the invasion. Double Dippin’ Ingrates.
7) Stay the course in our denials about leaving till the very last minute. Can’t ruin my Christmas Surprise to the American public. (I wonder if they suspect anything).
6) Keep quietly threatening my oil pals with less tax breaks unless they get gas down below $2 a gallon. Heh-heh-heh, jest kiddin’ fellers. OW! Stop with the titty twisters already!
5) Get Will Westmoreland over there to provide the Iraqi Troop Readiness Counts.
4) Get Katherine Harris to toss out all those unfavorable poll results in return for the usual blowjobs. Damn, my jaw is sore.
3) Pray to God and his wife Lynne, for guidance.
2) Ask Karl if I can get my old gig back as Emperor of Texas.
1) See if the Pahlavi kid would consider being Shah of a similar sandy country.
Update: Justin Raimondo offers the thorough, sober view.
