IIn the words of Fannie Lou Hamer “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

It takes a ton to convince me that Ross Perot wasn’t right in 1992 when he said “there’s one party in America, the money party.” I do not buy fads or the latest fashions. When it comes to candidates for president, what small enthusiasm I felt in some of them left me during the early primaries of 1992 and did not return for 12 years.

I wanted Gore in ‘92 and expected I’d get Clinton. I settled. Because Gore was on the ticket.

From 1984 on, I’ve successfully predicted who the nominee would be in both major parties. I wanted to be proven wrong in almost every case since, and the only time I erred in twenty plus years was in the two months before the 2004 primaries, when I briefly thought Howard Dean would pull off an upset. Silly, idealist me. Since the election of 1980 I allowed myself to move beyond hope to real belief that one brief period. It’s the last time in my life, I ever intend to make that error again.

Hope, sure. Belief, never.

And now we’re at 2008.

I did not warm to John Edwards in 2004. His populist message held some appeal, but he, too, had voted to permit the Iraq War. Howard Dean opposed it well before he was a candidate for President. He was no flaming liberal, but had been pragmatic as a Governor, and decent and reasonable. Iraq was a benchmark moment in our history and only he and Kucinich had passed the test. When Dean was aced out by Kerry, I swallowed hard and fought to get him elected. Not because I liked Kerry v. 2004. Because I liked the Kerry I saw in my teens, the Kerry who led the fight against Iran Contra and BCCI.

I had hope the old, honorable Kerry would emerge after Election Day. Hope, but not belief.

After 2004, I felt Hillary was next up. For the GOP I felt certain no city mayor would ever top the ticket and considered McCain to be a longshot. By 2006, I figured the 2008 race would be Hillary versus Romney, with Hillary the likely victor.

Which didn’t even give me hope.

I’ve longed for a woman president for most of my voting years. Shirley Chisholm preceded my first vote and only two potential candidates for the top two jobs have emerged before now: Geraldine Ferraro and Pat Schroeder. After 1984, I’d wait 24 years. Hillary is not the best woman for the job. I refuse to believe we have to settle with so many talented women politicians in this country.

Take what you can get has never been an enticing marketing slogan. But it’s the principal slogan that the Democratic Party has used on me in every election after 1972. I do not trust the judgment of the majority of American voters. I do not trust the judgment of the majority of Democratic primary voters. Most of my adult life has been spent in Oregon and California, so every nominee has been settled on before the primaries reached me. I like choices. For president, I’ve almost never had a positive choice. Democratic primary voters keep saying ‘here, take what you can get.’

It isn’t much fun holding your nose when voting. Were it not for decent Congressional, state and local candidates, my interest in voting as an instrument of change would have died long ago.

What women candidates have I voted for? After Ferraro in 1984, I got to vote for Barbara Roberts as Oregon’s governor in 1990. When Carter conceded to Reagan before I voted in 1980, I voted for the ticket of Barry Commoner and LaDonna Harris in the hope that a third party could rise on the promise of alternate energy. When it was clear Clinton would beat Dole in 1996, I voted for the ticket of Nader/Winona LaDuke because I felt both were highly qualified and might give the Greens greater financial viability and provide a liberal choice that was locked out of both major parties by then.

That’s it: Ferraro, Roberts, Harris, LaDuke. From 1972 through 1999, I was offered one woman gubernatorial choice and four liberal vice presidential choices that were seemingly viable for the achievement of liberal goals. Out of those five I voted for four. Only one liberal woman appeared on any of my Presidential primary ballots: Shirley Chisholm in 1972, when I voted for McGovern. Still, 4 of 6 overall.

For Black or Latino candidates at levels gubernatorial or above? Not one liberal has lasted till our west coast primaries after Shirley Chisholm in 1972 except for Jesse Jackson, who garnered my support.

Simply put, liberal candidates, even in a few third party circumstances, have had my support, regardless of race or gender. So coming into the 2006 campaign, it was exciting to have several liberals to look forward to, a couple of effective moderates and only one pair of Dems I considered to be too conservative in key areas: Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden, who remained the most hawkish on Middle East foreign policies and too pro-corporate on economic policies. As for Obama, I suspect I know what he’s really up to with his non-partisan rhetoric - the avoidance of detrimental labels that cause knees to jerk - not an unwillingness nor inability to fight. He may intend to govern as a liberal while campaigning as a moderate.

However, he has yet to present enough evidence to be convincing to a cynic like me.

So after narrowing the field of liberals, my next qualifier was who has been most effective -in or out of government - at walking their liberal talk. Kucinich, very effective representing Cleveland as it’s mayor, fell short on his capacity to get things done in Congress. Which left me with Dodd, Edwards, Richardson and Gravel, and maybe Obama. But Gravel’s achievements after 1980 and his lackluster campaign made him the next to go. Dodd’s bowed out. Richardson can’t gain the traction to get to double digits.

So just like the rest of my fellow liberals, I see an economic liberal promising most troops out of Iraq in 10 months. I see a progressive moderate also promising a quick exit who has the strongest foreign policy credentials of any candidate in either party, but can’t move out of single digits. I see the great unknown who was right in his war opposition but whose talk has yet to be matched with walk, at the national level. Plus Hillary.

No, I don’t hate Hillary. I don’t hate her husband. As she insists on being judged as a public servant for many years while unelected, I see a Goldwater conservative from an upper middle income family whose liberal proclivities largely were expended in her college years. Afterward, she was a c