One of these things is not like the other
Sometimes, I feel a bit paternal towards our painfully moronic forceps-delivered guy. I mean, imagine what it must be like to have your brain compressed so painfully upon entering the world, then growing up to become America’s first Moron-American president.
In the rough moments, like just before his war crimes trial, I feel a fatherly to go to him, in the dank dungeon he’s chained face down into, and say something meaningful to him that will grant him a little special insight to make him smile wistfully instead of drooling on his way to the gallows.
I’d playfully tousle the hair on his pinhead and say “Georgie, I’m going to show you some flashcards. Two will be similar things. The third will be totally different. And I’ll help you understand why that one is unlike the other two. Then you may be better prepared to ask for a last meal that doesn’t consist of salt, pepper and a rock.”
And our special boy would look up at me with those big old eyes while he makes farting noises in his armpit.
And then my flashcards would include these:
John Kerry, Barack Obama and Neville Chamberlain.
Hillary Clinton, Pat Schroeder and the cumulative total of three generations of Bush family ethics.
Hitler, Stalin, and a 17 year old Palestininian suicide bomber.
Hiroshima on August 6, 1945, Dresden during its firebombing, and New York City on September 11, 2001.
A nuclear bomb, mustard gas and anthrax powder in an envelope.
A cluster bomb, a bunker buster bomb and an IED.
Hamas, Hezbollah and Al Qaeda.
Dick Cheney, John Wayne Gacy and an orange.
The Great Brinx Robbery, $9 billion unaccounted for in Iraq, and a hungry young ghetto dweller shoplifting an orange.
A schizophrenic who thinks he’s Napoleon, a GOP Senator from Mississippi convinced he can stop the Civil Rights movement in 2002 with a birthday toast, and a neocon in the White House convinced he can defeat North Vietnam in Baghdad.
Using fear of sharks to sell a blockbuster move. Using fear of Muslims to win an election. Being so afraid of vaginas and gay people that you’re forced to endure the lifelong shame of being a Republican.
An black minister angry reminding his parishioners how his country has mistreated people, an angry old political hack trying to maintain the divisions of the races and an angry war hero thirty five years later, calling his wife a ‘cunt’.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Good post. And multiple choice too. I love multiple choice. He called his wife a cunt? Yep, he’s presidential material. One time when I was drunk as a skunk, (during my “drunk as a skunk” phase), I called my wife a motherfucker. She told me later and I couldn’t imagine why I would have said that to her, but say it, I did.