Dear carb, fat and sugar pushing corporate yellow running dog entity
For decades, I’ve had to put up with the appeals you’ve sent to commit jihad upon my physical self. I’ve martyred my health with your promises of a glorious afterlife with 72 Bavarian kreme donuts set upon 72 non-biodegradable napkins with a bottomless urn of Columbian coffee to bathe in. All waiting for suet-sided me.
I’ve blown myself up even, to gargantuan proportions, causing national alerts of pending earthquakes whenever seismographs detect me walking to my Numbvee for my daily exercise of driving to one of your outlets to partake of your grease-soaked innertubes of dough drizzled with liquid sugar.
And now, instead of an apology for your perpetually appealling fat-fat-wahs, I hear you’ve decided to pull an ad featuring the rather tasty-looking Rachel Ray because she’s wearing a paisley scarf that a number of hateful elitists look at and see a resemblance to an item of clothing worn by men throughout the Middle East.
I note that she’s standing in front of the Oregon State Capitol Building, known as a hotbed of terrorism, and am surprised those frightened little pissants didn’t demand that you raze that structure with bulldozers, too. Which I’m sure you would have quickly complied with to demonstrate your patriotic allegiance to the almighty shrinking dollar.
In keeping with your commitment to appease the whackbooted scorntroopers of the Nutsy Party (like Neville Chamberlain did after JFK went to Berlin and announced “I am a jelly donut!”), I’ve decided to similarly demonstrate my moral cowardice by giving up your confections forever, replacing them with completely kosher bagels as soon as I can figure out how to inject them with Orthodox Bavarian kreme.
Ich bin ein chickenshit supporter of blathering bigots, too.
.
Sincerely;
Kevin Hayden
P.S. - If you’re done with Rachel Ray, please dust her with confectioner’s sugar and Passover that dessert dish to me.
May 28th, 2008 at 6:00 am
[…] Inevitability, in many areas of the country, your action should draw support from similarly outraged people. And if Michelle Malkin and her ilk can get Dunkin Donuts to pull an ad in response to their hateful bigotry, there’s always the possibility some will choose to quit selling McClellan’s book. […]
May 28th, 2008 at 8:34 am
[…] Via American Street […]