Our good friend, PZ Myers was outraged at the story. A Catholic student left Mass carrying an undissolved Communion wafer in his mouth. And some outraged Catholics had threatened the student’s life.

PZ had the temerity to blog about the story and the outrage he felt.

Now they’re threatening his life. And his job at a university.

Do I dare add my two cents? Hell yes. Let the demented peckerheads add a target to their list.

I know better than to call it ‘a cracker’. It’s unleavened bread. Once blessed, it represents the body of Jesus Christ. Of course, I’m not familiar with radical Catholics who believe it’s literally transformed into Christ’s flesh. Because then they’d be practicing cannibalism, which is probably against a law or two.

I am a former Catholic and a former altar boy. Those flavorless wafers were always kinda cool, they way they dissolved in a little saliva. I recall eating 4 or 5 at a time, pre-Mass and pre-blessing, as a snack. But I don’t recall there being a distinction if one left Mass carrying one in your mouth as opposed to in your belly.

From such distinctions, planned murders grow, apparently.

So I wonder, if one chews a wafer and hangs out in the church for an hour after Mass, and the body processes it and moves it all the way to one’s sphincter, and then one departs the church for home, has that person committed sacrilege by carrying the body of Christ lodged in their ass? I don’t recall if Miss Manners or Robert’s Rules of Order covers that possibilility. In fact, I don’t believe any rulebook covers wafer transport by any body orifice. It sounds to me like making up their own rules which others don’t know about, then getting angry that someone has violated their make pretend thing.

I swear I’m never going to put one of those things in my vagina, ever. Nosirreebob, I’m not risking death and purgatory for that. It’s strictly Necco Wafer suppositories for me. (Do they have any in Vibrating Vermillion flavor?)

If any o’ them outraged cannibals would like to come introduce me to a painful early afterlife, I remind them that I have my own sacramental rite involving cannibals, Old Bessie and a load she carries that’s flavored in Candyass Catholic for just such occasions. And let them even try to cost me my employment. They might succeed, but I’ll be sure to provide a quid pro quo there, as well.

But in the meantime, PZ has asked for very nice letters of support to be mailed or emailed to the president of his university. So please, do your best and spare him from being killed and eaten by the Holy Roman Cannibals. They may seem so easily mockable, but his need for your support today is very, very real.